When You Fall Into Old Habits

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So, this week I am housesitting.  I told the kids it is our vacation and they love it.  We have been having lots of fun here and I made sure to bring over a week’s worth of groceries.

Before we came here I ran into a problem.  I had been indulging in the occasional sweet, thinking surely one vegan donut wasn’t going to cause problems, but alas, that is just not how lovely candida overgrowth works.  My rash came back, on my knees.  I knew immediately it was from introducing too much sugar into my diet and it was time to cut back.

However…I opened the freezer here and there was a carton of Dreyer’s Rocky Road.  Chocolate.  I cannot even describe the feeling of looking at that carton of ice cream after going so long with no chocolate, or maybe about six dairy free dark chocolate chips a month.  You guys know what happened right?  Looking at the carton turned into taking a peek.  Upon taking a peek I discovered there was not very much left…not even a full bowl of ice cream, anyway.  And since my rash was back anyway…the ice cream did not stand a chance.  The carton is now outside in the recycle bin.  Luckily the other ice cream in there is coffee flavored, which does not play with my mind in nearly the same way chocolate does.

So.  Do I feel guilty?  Well, a bit, yes.  But I also just have to laugh at myself.  It just goes to show that when the option is there, it is so much more likely to be indulged!  When I first started eating healthy, I almost never went out to eat.  So there were no vegan donuts or treats or anything like that.  But I’ve been going out about once a week to meet with family and I somehow manage to find a treat when I go out!  When I was at home, there were no cartons of ice cream to challenge my self-control.  But I leave home and oh gracious, does chocolate ice cream ever sound (and taste) good!

I don’t want to beat myself up about it.  But I do want to learn from it.  Apparently my willpower cannot be trusted fully yet.  I find it easy to bypass candy bars and cookies with refined sugar and even brownies nowadays.  But my sweet tooth is not quite gone.  So, I’m entering a new level of responsibility!  And care for myself.

I’m reading Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis right now.  And she talks about keeping the promises we make to ourselves, and setting a standard of success for our future.  She says:

“Whatever standard you’ve set for yourself is where you’ll end up…unless you fight through your instinct and change your pattern.”

I’ve already done that with my diet, but I experienced a period of failure even after my success.  I know her words are true, and it’s time to recommit myself right now.

So I’m not going to drown myself in shame or misery.  I’m not going to berate myself and mourn my failure.  Because if I do that, I may end up drowning my misery in a gallon of Rocky Road instead of a few spoonfuls.

I’m going to remind myself that God’s love for me does not depend on whether or not I break down and eat the chocolate.  And I’m going to remind myself that I have already succeeded at this thing and I have already decided it is worth it – to feel better, to know that I’ve done a better job at providing my body with nutrients, at developing a legacy of health so my children don’t end up in the same place I am.

And I’m going to rock it.

You can, too!

My advice, however, is not to indulge in a stare down with Rocky Road.  It’s got chocolate and marshmallows, people.

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